Gidget, Gadget and Gizmo
Guide to Preparing for Your Second Childhood
My dear friends and family have expressed consternation concerning my consciousness. They think that concentrating on confusion has created conflicts in my cerebellum constituents. Or that I may be too entwined with confabulation to concentrate on concrete reality.
I told them that I am in training for Alzheimer's disease. Senile dementia gets a bad rap, it is seen as a disease with only bad consequences. People do not realize that there is an upside to scrambled neurons.
The Upside of Dementia List:
1. If a person absent mindedly throws dirty dishes in the trash rather than washing the dishes, then said person will no longer be expected to wash dishes. Score one for ditzy dingbats.
2. People with damaged rationality are not expected to cook because of the danger of fire in the kitchen. (Fire in bedroom good, fire in kitchen bad.) If safety concerns do not terminate meal preparation duty then, serve this recipe concocted by Sandra Blair, Queen of Clones. Here is the recipe, which I have adapted.
Ambrosia of Aardvark Recipe
For large family gatherings
Ingredients: 1 large brick of blue cheese. 1 large can of tuna. 1 cup of tabasco. 1 bottle of green food coloring. 1 angel food cake.
Preparation: Mix the first four ingredients in a small bowl using a large mixer. Frost the resulting goop on top of the cake.
Presentation: Wear a prom dress and put Amazing Grace, by Aaron Neville on Pandora. Dance around the dining table with the cake on top of your head.
3. If someone makes a request for a loan, said person asserts that the aliens visited yesterday and took what little bit of money was left after the spending spree for prom dresses and Mardi Gras costumes.
3b. If your wardrobe is boring, then use your credit card, or your son's credit card to buy prom dresses and Mardi Gras costumes. These are to wear while gardening and shopping for groceries.
4. My maternal grandfather had a history of removing all his clothes and wandering the forest nude. That sounds like fun. And will be sure to alert everyone to said person's graduation from rationality. I just want to be a Natural Woman.
5. Bob Dylan's grandfather Built a fire on main street and shot it full of holes. This is a very good precedent, but I will pass on this demonstration due to inability to handle guns.
6. If you, like me, want to build your own private bubble of denial, then this path of ironic idiocy will help.
7. How to simulate paranoia. First pick a devil, as in "The devil made me do it". Even better is "The devil made YOU do it." Popular devils are: the government, the president, the CIA, FBI, NSA (or compose your own original alphabet soup), the one percent elite, or the aliens. Blame your choice devil for everything that does not go your way. Have noisy arguments with the devil while everyone else is trying to watch TV.
It may come about that the family decides to put said person in a "nice home". Said person may suspect this after hearing heated whispering in the next room. What to do: revert to so called rational behavior, call an attorney. After a phone call from the attorney and after a week or two of exemplary in the box, coloring in the lines behavior then family will relax guard and said person can again be happily crazy.
If said person is unable to dial the attorney, then never mind, when said person is really far gone then he will not mind the "nice home" and may even think it is a fancy hotel. As Julie's Mom believed when the maid came to clean her room.
PS Note
I may or may not have published this in 2015. I am a dinosaur, tech is a challenge for me. Anyway, I came across it today, while perusing my blog. It made me laugh, so I am now publishing for what may be the second time. I am glad that i found it, because i needed to review some of these important techniques.
