Showing posts with label Barbie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Barbie. Show all posts

Friday, August 23, 2013

Let's Gossip Barbie, 4





 

Elizabarbie

 
 

Let's Gossip Barbie, 4

A short story in four parts

 
 
 
There she is, sheee's back.  Look, Piffle Hilton, what did I tell you?  She is loaded, I mean her three bearers are loaded, with stacks and stacks of sacks from Sax's and boxes from Fetishes R Us.  What an addicted shopaholic.  She has not one iota of restraint, so vulgar. 
 
Barbie, dahlin, I am so flitter flattered that you made it back.  Kissy, kissy. Don't you look fantabuloso?  What wretched excess treasures did you score today? 
 
 How is Ken? (snicker, snicker).  Dahlin, I saw him last night on The Nine Inch Dolls Real Reality Show.  He was not looking so good.  Did he survive?  What happened?  One minute he was himself, handsome and studly, then, in the next shot, he was blowing barf bubbles.  OMG, he got food poisoning from the gold plated carrots?  You don't say (hee-hee).  Did any of the other doll stars get sick?  They all looked OK except for the occasional laser saber wounds.  And, poor Lucy and Desi are still in the hospital. Elvis and Marilyn were stuck together, like dogs, but Lincoln hosed them down, so that it came out OK.
 
 Have you seen GI Joe lately?  No?  But, he was at the party of the century last night.  I saw him on my 555 inch HD, the EavesDropKam caught him with sizzling eyes, you were right there, I know that you saw him.  Oh, now you remember, you did greet each other briefly?  (wink, wink).  Don't worry, I can keep your secret.
 
Sorry, you must leave so quickly.  Don't you want some coffee?  Did I say something wrong?  Oh, I understand, your bearers are tired.  You must take your loot to your closet before it goes out of style.  Sure, see you soon.  Lets do lunch.  Kissy, kissy.
  
I got a text on my phone. Suddenly, my day was brighter.  Hee-hee, a GI Joe booty call! Whooopeee.
 
 Puffball Hilton, sorry, dahlin, so, I gotta go now. It's time for my mani-pedi.  See you soon.  Lets do lunch. Kissy, kissy.
 
 
 
 the end
 
To read the story from the beginning go to "Archive", then "July", then  "Lets Gossip Barbie, 1".
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Lets Gossip Barbie, 1

 



Barbie, TV Head 



Let's Gossip Barbie, 1

  
"Lets gossip about Barbie, now that she has gone shopping.  We are sitting on the Starbucks patio on Holyhell Boulevard.  It is a beautiful morning, I mean afternoon, exhaust fumes from the constipated Boulevard traffic are wafting in the breeze. Across the table from me sits THE Paris Harlot.  The most famous for being famous person in the entire celebrity sphere.

We sip Celestial Green Tea laced with tequila, and nibble on no calorie, no fat, no gluten, no additives, preservatives or artificial color croissants.
 
"Do you know, Pussy Paris, that Barbie has been shopping everyday for the past fifty six years.  Her closet is the size of a warehouse.  Have you seen it?  It is a giant pink sequin building that dwarfs her purple rhinestone ranch house.  She has three miles of automated revolving clothing racks snaking through the building.  She has a shoe room of towering glass display cases housing a hundred thousand plastic fetishes.
 
What do you think about that, Princess Hilton?  You admire her!  But she has a closet large enough to house a Afghani refugee camp comfortably. No, don't tell me, you want an even bigger closet?  One as big as the Superdome?  Well, we all have a right to our own opinions even when they indicate hydrocephalic greed that will eat us alive.  Did you hear me?  What are you tweeting?  I just don't go for that conceited conspicuous consumption crap.  Well, I think that conspicuous consumption is soooo tacky, but sometimes I slip myself up.  We are only human. 
 
And tell me, Partie Hartie, what is with Barbie's feet?  Those useless appendages as deformed as the lotus flower feet of abused Chinese girls?  Malformed feet for masochistic shoes.  What is that about, Paris Piranha?  Can you explain it to me?
 
Oh, now I get it, teeter totter tumble toes makes Mr. Happy stand up and cheer.  How strange!  You mean to tell me that men are turned on by women who are as unstable as toddlers? How weird!

 Human organisms never cease to boggle the brain.  Here we are, beings of complicated and elegant neurochemical processes,  millions of muscle, blood, and nerve cells working together in harmony, sending zillions of data bits to the brain, for what?  An amazing chorus of chemical interactions, electrical ion exchanges and etherical energies coordinating muscles and intentions, all for what?  All this intricate pituitary, thyroid, adrenal, not to mention gonadal hormones in a hemodynamic dance of science and mystery, all culminating in what?  Zillions of data bits flooding the brain in a constant stream, interfacing with the mind.  The mind, the irrational, unpredictable, self seeking mind.  We have a brain! The most elegant computer in the world! A brain/mind.  The mind that thinks it is the CEO of the metaorganism but screws things up right and left.  Producing behavior that has no rational or pragmatic basis. Minds that have created masterpieces,  the Mona Lisa, the Sidney Opera House, and Drago's grilled oysters, but minds will also make a man salivate over a woman toddling clumsily in dangerous and painful footwear?  We think that we are rational, sensible beings, but, our hardwiring commits us to stupidity.  Emotions almost always trump intelligence. It boggles the brain.  But, who knows, maybe it is better this way.  You know, I am confused. Oh, and inappropriate, did I mention inappropriate?  And so the earth spins round.

Are you listening Princess Harlot?  Oh, you are tweeting your worshipful fans?  What is trending?  So Mr. Happy salutes masochistic stilettos.  The neurons are flabbergasted on so many levels. By the way, where did you get those marvelous Louboutin Sky Heels?  Do they come in turquoise?  I must have a pair. 

Sorry, Prissy, I know my rant is boring.  Thank goodness you brought your IPod.  Seen any good tweets lately?  What is trending?

Did you catch the Nine Inch Dolls Reality Show last night?  No? You saw it last week, right.  Lucy and Desi were celebrating their seventy seventh wedding anniversary.  All the glitterati nine inch dolls were there, and the Stones were playing.  Yes, you saw it, yes, it was sooo exciting.  But last night you passed out too early and missed it?  Not to worry, I will tell you all about it.  You will not believe what Barbie is up to now. 

To be continued. A jabberwacky short story in four parts. To get to the next part of the story, click "Newer Post", at the bottom of this entry.
 

 
   

Wikipedia, Interesting Info Bits

This is what Wikipedia says about Japanese bound feet:
 
The practice possibly originated among upper class court dancers in the early T'ang dynasty in Imperial China (11th or 10th century), but spread and eventually became common among all but the lowest of classes. Eventually foot binding became very popular because men thought it to be highly attractive. Foot binding became Chinese women's way of being beautiful, and a way to show that they were worthy of a husband. The foot binding process begins with a young girl (4-7 years old)  Next, every toe would be broken except for the big toe.
 

Another interesting titbit, Shakespeare quote 

Last night I was watching "Hamlet"  and noticed that  this soliloquy was similar to my confused rant.
Of course, he said it not only first, but also, better.

What a piece of work is a man!
How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties!
In form and moving, how express and admirable!
In action how like an angel!
In apprehension how like a god!
The beauty of the world!
The paragon of animals!
And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?”
William Shakespeare, Hamlet


Bye now, be safe, be happy and avoid the clap.