Barbie, TV Head
Let's Gossip Barbie, 1
"Lets gossip about Barbie, now that she has gone shopping. We are sitting on the Starbucks patio on Holyhell Boulevard. It is a beautiful morning, I mean afternoon, exhaust fumes from the constipated Boulevard traffic are wafting in the breeze. Across the table from me sits THE Paris Harlot. The most famous for being famous person in the entire celebrity sphere.
We sip Celestial Green Tea laced with tequila, and nibble on no calorie, no fat, no gluten, no additives, preservatives or artificial color croissants.
"Do you know, Pussy Paris, that Barbie has been shopping everyday for the past fifty six years. Her closet is the size of a warehouse. Have you seen it? It is a giant pink sequin building that dwarfs her purple rhinestone ranch house. She has three miles of automated revolving clothing racks snaking through the building. She has a shoe room of towering glass display cases housing a hundred thousand plastic fetishes.
What do you think about that, Princess Hilton? You admire her! But she has a closet large enough to house a Afghani refugee camp comfortably. No, don't tell me, you want an even bigger closet? One as big as the Superdome? Well, we all have a right to our own opinions even when they indicate hydrocephalic greed that will eat us alive. Did you hear me? What are you tweeting? I just don't go for that conceited conspicuous consumption crap. Well, I think that conspicuous consumption is soooo tacky, but sometimes I slip myself up. We are only human.
And tell me, Partie Hartie, what is with Barbie's feet? Those useless appendages as deformed as the lotus flower feet of abused Chinese girls? Malformed feet for masochistic shoes. What is that about, Paris Piranha? Can you explain it to me?
Oh, now I get it, teeter totter tumble toes makes Mr. Happy stand up and cheer. How strange! You mean to tell me that men are turned on by women who are as unstable as toddlers? How weird!
Human organisms never cease to boggle the brain. Here we are, beings of complicated and elegant neurochemical processes, millions of muscle, blood, and nerve cells working together in harmony, sending zillions of data bits to the brain, for what? An amazing chorus of chemical interactions, electrical ion exchanges and etherical energies coordinating muscles and intentions, all for what? All this intricate pituitary, thyroid, adrenal, not to mention gonadal hormones in a hemodynamic dance of science and mystery, all culminating in what? Zillions of data bits flooding the brain in a constant stream, interfacing with the mind. The mind, the irrational, unpredictable, self seeking mind. We have a brain! The most elegant computer in the world! A brain/mind. The mind that thinks it is the CEO of the metaorganism but screws things up right and left. Producing behavior that has no rational or pragmatic basis. Minds that have created masterpieces, the Mona Lisa, the Sidney Opera House, and Drago's grilled oysters, but minds will also make a man salivate over a woman toddling clumsily in dangerous and painful footwear? We think that we are rational, sensible beings, but, our hardwiring commits us to stupidity. Emotions almost always trump intelligence. It boggles the brain. But, who knows, maybe it is better this way. You know, I am confused. Oh, and inappropriate, did I mention inappropriate? And so the earth spins round.
Are you listening Princess Harlot? Oh, you are tweeting your worshipful fans? What is trending? So Mr. Happy salutes masochistic stilettos. The neurons are flabbergasted on so many levels. By the way, where did you get those marvelous Louboutin Sky Heels? Do they come in turquoise? I must have a pair.
Sorry, Prissy, I know my rant is boring. Thank goodness you brought your IPod. Seen any good tweets lately? What is trending?
Did you catch the Nine Inch Dolls Reality Show last night? No? You saw it last week, right. Lucy and Desi were celebrating their seventy seventh wedding anniversary. All the glitterati nine inch dolls were there, and the Stones were playing. Yes, you saw it, yes, it was sooo exciting. But last night you passed out too early and missed it? Not to worry, I will tell you all about it. You will not believe what Barbie is up to now.
To be continued. A jabberwacky short story in four parts. To get to the next part of the story, click "Newer Post", at the bottom of this entry.
Wikipedia, Interesting Info Bits
This is what Wikipedia says about Japanese bound feet:
The practice possibly originated among upper class court dancers in the early
T'ang dynasty in Imperial China (11th or 10th century), but spread and eventually became common among all but the lowest of classes. Eventually foot binding became very popular because men thought it to be highly attractive. Foot binding became Chinese women's way of being beautiful, and a way to show that they were worthy of a husband. The foot binding process begins with a young girl (4-7 years old) Next, every toe would be broken except for the big toe.
Another interesting titbit, Shakespeare quote
Last night I was watching "Hamlet" and noticed that this soliloquy was similar to my confused rant.
Of course, he said it not only first, but also, better.
What a piece of work is a man!
How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties!
In form and moving, how express and admirable!
In action how like an angel!
In apprehension how like a god!
The beauty of the world!
The paragon of animals!
And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?”
―
William Shakespeare,
Hamlet
Bye now, be safe, be happy and avoid the clap.
