To See Beyond the Dogma
Digital painting, created 2/21/13
To See an Angel
detail of To See Beyond the Dogma
detail
To See Beyond the Dogma was created, according to my files, on 2/21/13. I have been painting in the studio, so do not have a new digital image to post at this time. This image was created about 14 months past and illustrates, especially by the title, my enduring concern with religion and spiritualty.
After a childhood of physical abuse in the name of THE LORD, I had a plethora of hungry issues. I foraged in the hills and the valleys, in the cities and the wilderness, grazing on food for my soul. I have been a Methodist, and a, I forgot what you call it, an extreme form of Christian, oh yea, a Fundamentalist. I have been an agnostic, an atheist, and a pantheist. A freethinker and a Buddhist and a New Ager. If I had only stopped at agnostic, my brain would not be as overstuffed as a Kardashian Kloset. A vague, freeform pantheism best satisfies my spiritual hunger.
I have had "spells" of mystical states since childhood. I don't know why some people, like me, are inflamed with a spiritual itch, and other people think that the whole searching endeavor is ridiculous. I am resigned to being confused in my verbal mind, but fairly content in my soul. It is more than words. It is the occasional experience of ecstatic states that convinces me there is more to life than concrete reality.
And, you know, I try to be kind and loving.
A few weeks ago Second Son and Grandgirl and I were in the feed and seed store shopping for parts for the wood burning stove. I said to Son, within earshot of Grandgirl, "We brought you here to sell you". Grandgirl thought that this was funny (funny points for Gramma). I thought that it was very funny because it was so daring. Son was not pleased. I need to apologize. Later, I felt ashamed, and resolved to edit my speech better. I resolved to be kinder.
I was reading, "Anna Karenina" by Tolstoy. Near the end of the one thousand pages, Levin, (the character that Tolstoy most identified with), had a spiritual epiphany and decided that after all the philosophical catastrophe could be easily solved with simple kindness. He resolved to be more kind. Shortly after that he was riding in his buggy and berated his servant driver over an insignificant incident.
The next time I saw my son I ganged up with his wife to gently pick on him. This won me much needed points with Daughter in Law, but Son was annoyed. This kindness practice takes practice. I will keep trying.
The angel in this picture was downloaded and worked in Photoshop. She is a vintage ceramic piece. I salute the people who designed and created her, whoever they are. Her eyes are rolled back in her head, eyes rolling back can signal a mystical trance.
